Text: Olav MC Innes
This is a Serious Training Diary (STD) highlighting the best moments from NTNUI Calisthenics training camp in Calioral (previously known as Fuengirola). I hope you enjoy this STD and will share it with all your friends and casual aquaintances.
The gang (+ 10 points for finding Mats).
Day -1. 20:00
For some people, the trip started a bit earlier. That is because they wanted to sleep over at Gardermoen rather than take a direct flight. I think it had something to do with them wanting to roleplay as homeless people. We did not judge them (out loud).
Day 1. 15:00
For the rest of us, the trip began the next day with a flight from Værnes. Upon entering the plane, the captain asked us to distribute ourselves equally on both sides because he feared our collective weight would make the plane tip over. He also asked us for advice on how to make gains, upon which I, without saying a word, slipped some creatine into his coffee.
Tonje, Melissa and Jørgen playing what is arguably one of the most complex board games to exist (den forsvunnenede diamant)
Day 1. 19:00
After landing, it was time to get from Malaga to Fuengirola. As we all know, it’s impossible to do the “kollektivtransport” in another country, so we ordered a bunch of Ubers.
Day 1. 19:30
The Ubers dropped us off a non-trivial distance from the reception. This was quite unfortunate, as we already had our yearly leg session, leaving us with only two options to get to get there: walk on our hands or take the train designed for old people who had used up their entire supply of leg sessions. We met some great old people.
Day 1. 20:00
It was time to check in. This took a while because the receptionist wanted an autograph from each of us. It felt nice to finally get some recognition.
If there is one person who’s autograph is going to
10x in value it is Luke’s
Day 2. 08:01
While the training camp might seem like all fun and games, I can assure you that it is more serious than fun—something that became evident when the latercomers were punished. I think it was Gandhi who said that there is no just cause to inflict pain upon others. Gandhi was unfortunately not able to participate this year, and thus nobody could stop what was to
come for those arriving late to training. We watched in horror as Irina was forced to do 10 burpees.
They do not know it yet, but they are all about to
witness warcrimes (burpees)
Day 2. 10:30
After an intense workout, it was time to eat an intense lunch. We in NTNUI Calisthenics take nutrition very seriously—almost as seriously as we do our training. Scientists have discovered that you can get all your essential amino acids from three protein sources: protein shakes with cookie flavor, protein shakes with strawberry flavor, and protein shakes with chocolate flavor. Luckily, there were enough of these at the local supermarket to supplement us, although the locals might suffer malnutrition in the coming days…
Day 2 12:00
I think it was Gandhi who said that the quality of any resort can never rise above the quality of its pools. Luckily, the pool here was great! The lack of other Norwegian speakers made it perfect for making up profane sentences. It was also the ideal place for pool fighting, as the
pool was shallow enough to stand in, letting us carry fighters on our shoulders. In other words, it was the perfect pool for doing things normal adult people want to do when on vacation training camp.
Just normal pool stuff. (I would credit the
people in the picture, but as you can see they
are very well disguised)
Day 2. ????
After dinner, it was time for “one beer.” There is a well-known phenomenon known as the “one beer law,” which makes it impossible to have only one beer when going out. Luckily, we found a loophole. By simply drinking Long Island iced teas and shots, we were able to keep it to one beer that evening.
After a round of karaoke, Luke and Jørgen would
become the prime target for a group of middel
aged women. I can’t blame them.
Day 3. 07:00
Somehow I woke up with a terribly hangover.
Day 3. CALILYMPICS
It was finally time for the Calilympics. The Calilympics are great for many reasons, but my favourite is always when one of the girls calls home to say they’re knocked up (I tried to convince my mum I was pregnant once—she didn’t believe me…). While the action of this year’s Calilympics would need an entire novel to be described in sufficient detail, I will summarize the events with some key takeaways.
We learned that, despite the pessimism of local taxi drivers, it is possible to find cows in the city center.
We learned that you should not limit yourself to riding hobby horses when there are real stallions nearby.
We learned that all of us are willing to make a small sacrifice to support the fight against cancer—well, almost everyone, but I will refrain from outing Hamlot.
We learned that pigeons are dangerously confident leaders.
We learned that one possible reason the food you ordered was late was because the drivers were busy taking photos with strangers.
One of the many sacrifices made to win the Calilympics.
Day 3. 20:00
As per tradition, we went out to a fancy restaurant for a three-course meal. While some people might find the rules of fine dining challenging, I think we did an exemplary job demonstrating how to behave. The only mishaps I can think of were a couple of instances of flashing and playing a round of “snusboksen,” but let’s be honest—what else is there to do when waiting for meals? Also, a waitress commented on how it seemed like we preferred to drink rather than eat. She was obviously impressed by our ability to consume large amounts of alcohol quickly.
Andreas displaying how to behave at a
resturant. Please ignore his three glasses
of wine.
Day 3. 00:00
After dinner, we went out clubbing with one goal in mind: finding a DJ who was willing to play “Baris.” For those of you who don’t know, Baris is a song that makes people take their top off—an effect very much the opposite of what happens when I name all 1,025 Pokémon to a girl. Luckily, the DJ understood the importance of this song, and as we heard the familiar voice of Pimp Lotion, we suddenly found ourselves in baris.
This picture has nothing to do with the club, I just wanted you to
see it.
Day 4. 10:00
One of the most important things to get from any trip is a picture of you doing a handstand. If you don’t have a handstand picture in Spain, what was the point of going there in the first place? To get the best pictures, we climbed a castle and violated some ancient cannons— as one does when appreciating Spanish ruins.
Not a handstand, but still one worth
hanging up on your fridge
Day 4. 14:00
NTNUI Calisthenics has many questionable traditions, one of them is that the final training session of the camps should be as painfull as humanly possible. This year was no different. If forcing someone to do burpees can be compared to a warcrime, then this session should put Nikko on the ICC’s most wanted list. I will not write more on this as I can already sense my PTSD triggering.
As you can see, we were all very much broken by the hell session
Day 4. 18:00
While enjoying the last dinner of the training camp, we were suddenly infected with a burst of creativity, this led to the collective writing of multiple stories performed by Hallvard. I do not remember the stories in detail, but I wrote down the words “Aubergine” and “heftig mye
ass,” so just assume that they were great. Some of us were also suddenly infected with food poisoning.
Day 4. 23:00
For the final night we went crazy, we went for more than “one” beer. The consequences of this was many. Frida decided that the best way to carry beer was to carry the fridge which it was contained in. Maja woke up in Albania the next morning. And at one point we got the entire club to join in making a party-train.
A great display of free will
Final remarks
That marks the end of NTNUI training camp to Calirola. I’d like to thank everyone participating for making the trip unforgettable and I hope that future and current members are inspired to take part next year.
Here is a picture of everyone in baris as a reward to you for reading the entire thing.
